


Jorts and Flowers

by charlieboy



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: I hope this is ok, M/M, i rated it t bc mentioned drug use, its cute, its time to die, jorts, this is nine pages long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 18:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7903759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlieboy/pseuds/charlieboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie is put on a mission to trademark the Jorts Dennis invented, and he and the lawyer enjoy each others company</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jorts and Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> my eyes are falling asleep im ?
> 
> i liked the beginning but i dont usually write things super long so im rlly not confident about the middle and especially the end bit. i hope its not awful - please leave comments and tips and all the what have you so i can become the ultimate fanfic writer wizard. im sorry its four am im tired

The Lawyer was sitting at his desk reading the beginnings of a particularly long case when he felt someone watching him. He looked up and saw someone that immediately managed to ruin the rest of his day right then and there. 

Charlie Kelly was standing, blank expression, in some odd blue jean cut-offs that looked ridiculous, and a ratty t-shirt that seemed it had been worn a million times. 

As both men’s eyes met the other’s, Charlie started to smile, even his eyes seemed to brighten, but the Lawyer’s face darkened, exhausted. 

“Hey Lawyer man!” Charlie said a bit loudly, going right through the Lawyer’s filled head.

“Um, so I was wondering if you could do me a favour?” Charlie sat in the chair in front of the lawyer’s desk. He seemed a bit nervous. The lawyer thought to himself, a.) Charlie should be nervous because of the goddamn restraining order against the small wild man, and b.) the lawyer may or may not pull out his ‘gun’ he keeps in his desk drawer for protection and duels. The lawyer wanted to threaten Charlie with his ‘gun’ but was interested in his favour; or maybe not interested, but too stressed to properly make progress on the case he just picked up. 

“Okay. What on earth is it this time,” the lawyer said, “have you come back to reschedule the duel?” A small smirk on his face. As much as he despised the degenerate bar idiots, he didn’t mind Charlie so much. Charlie could be loud, but he tried to be nice, like the time he complimented the lawyers newly divorced wife. Plus, Charlie was the only one who had actually (indirectly of course but still,) paid the lawyer. 

Charlie’s eyes widened and he raised a hand as if to cover his mouth, remembering the lawyer’s promise of putting a bullet right through his teeth and out the back of his neck. Instead of covering his mouth, Charlie rubbed the back of his neck and started to pull his ear, looking at the floor, and his face bright red.

“Um. Well. N-nah man, my buddy Dennis asked me to trademark these jean shorts,” Charlie stood up - tugged up his shirt a bit, exposing a thin strip of stomach - and motioned to his ridiculous shorts, “cause they’re so sweet right? But plus, check out what I can do!” Charlie’s mood seemed to lighten almost instantly, clearly excited about his homemade shorts. The lawyer’s eyes lingered on the small stretch of stomach that was now exposed.

Charlie now pushed the chair he had been sitting on, back to in front of the door. The lawyer was pondering how Charlie had gotten into his office this time. He decided he wouldn’t mention to this puppy-like man that he wasn’t in fact the kind of lawyer to handle trademarks and patent pending. 

Charlie then spread his legs wide, as if he was attempting a split, and put his arms parallel to his legs and hands flat, with his fingers together. The lawyer wanted to laugh, but swallowed instead.

“See man! These things are sweet! I can do so many more things in them because they don’t restrict my legs! And trust me dude, they’re not white trash. Dennis sent me because he’s still angry at you about shutting down the whole Honey and Vinegar plan and how he and Mac were really blossoming, I don’t know, he said it all weird. Something about getting off - I have no idea - But! Can you trademark these dude? Since we’re like, friends and all?” Charlie had begun to drag the chair back to it’s original place in front of the lawyer’s desk, and the lawyer noticed how Charlie continued to drag it so that when Charlie sat back down, his knees were lightly brushing the front of his desk. Charlie was smiling and, blushing a little? 

The lawyer ignored this and said, “Sure. Why not, Mr. Kelly. Since I clearly have nothing else to do today.” He shuffled the papers in front of him and moved them to the side of the desk, folding his hands together as if eager to engage this terrible idea. “But what will you do for me in return?” The lawyer was curious what Charlie would say.

Charlie’s eyes got wide again and he asked, “I could bring you some beer man.. And… make you a Grilled Charlie! They’re awesome bro, I make them myself - hey what kinda stuff do you like on bread? I could make you a Grilled Lawyer!” Charlie had sprung from his seat in an instant and was at the door again, with his hand on the door handle, waiting for the lawyer’s response.

The lawyer stared at Charlie for a bit, mouth open in wonderment, before registering the ragged man had asked a question. 

Before he had a chance to respond, Charlie blurted, “You know what man, I’ll just surprise you. Oh man, you’re gonna love this!” And like that, he was gone.

The lawyer sat and went over in his head what had just happened. He stood up, assuming Charlie wouldn’t be back again today, and moved the chair now almost touching his desk, back about three feet. He didn’t usually care for being close to people. He blocked out the intrusive thought of him actually enjoying the fact that Charlie seemed to have a tough grasp on boundaries and how the lawyer was close enough to see all the freckles on his face when he had moved the chair closer. The lawyer also ignored the fact that he probably wouldn’t forget the gorgeous green set of sparkly eyes that belonged to this… Drunken idiot. The lawyer was a respectable, normal guy. He wasn’t straight, but surely he would never, never, be interested in anyone as gross and uneducated as Charlie Kelly. The man who believed himself to be a lawyer and invented ‘Kitten Mittons’ which had surprisingly earned the lawyer a good chunk of extra cash. Almost a reason to possibly forgive the rejects who owned that sad bar. Or at least, a reason to forgive Charlie. Just Charlie.

\--

Charlie came back the next morning. He had bags under his eyes and was wearing the same outfit as yesterday. He had a plastic grocery bag in one hand and a case of coors light in the other.

He smiled as he saw the lawyer, “Hey man! I stayed up all night and finally figured out the perfect Grilled Lawyer! I hope you like it dude.” Charlie placed the beers on the ground in front of the lawyer’s desk, placed the grocery bag on the chair, and once again, scooted the chair incredibly close to the desk. The lawyer held his breathe and did not look at Charlie’s little butt in those shorts, wiggling back and forth as he seemed to struggle to move the heavy chair. Maybe he peaked at it a tiny bit. He blamed it on the fact that he had no luck getting back into the dating scene again and was frustrated that he couldn’t seem to find anyone he connected with that wasn’t boring or talking to him because of his supposed money. 

Charlie put the plastic bag on his lap as he sat down, knees touching the lawyer’s desk, and pulled out what looked like a sandwich wrapped messily in tin foil.

“I got some metal wrap stuff that Frank had to put your Grilled Lawyer in because I figured you would get upset if I just put it in the bag without anything. Plus it might’ve fallen apart a little,” Charlie chuckled and smirked as he handed the mysterious meal to the lawyer. The lawyer hadn’t remembered the last time he had gotten a present from anyone. The last few years when he was still married, his wife had shut him out and almost never talked besides simple necessary conversation, and he didn’t have many close friends.

“Um, I hope you’re not allergic to anything! So, I put lettuce inside, nutella inside, and graham cracker outside on only one side. I thought you’d like the lettuce cause you’re a really smart dude so I bet you eat lettuce a lot, and uh, I put nutella because I think you deserve some sweet sugary stuff in your life, since ya know, you seem so stressed all the time,” the lawyer was surprised at how Charlie, the man who could barely read, if at all, could pick up on emotion so well, (or maybe it was only with certain people?), “and then finally I put the graham cracker because you have like, a calendar and everything and they have little boxes on them that reminded me of your cool calendar thing.”

The lawyer wondered if there were more things that made Charlie think of him. He never thought of Charlie, not even this morning when he was tying his blue tie, looking in the mirror at his suit for the day and wondering what Charlie would look like in a suit. He wondered if his hair would be messy and sticking out in all directions like usual, or if he tried to tame it in any certain way. 

Charlie’s shrill, excited voice pierced his wandering thoughts, “Taste it man! I swear it tastes good! I made like, twelve other kinds and I couldn’t get it right and then finally I used nutella and the thirteenth time was a charm, taste it dude,” Charlie was now leaning his elbows on the edge of the desk, with his scruffy chin in his hands. The lawyer may have described that moment as adorable if he wasn’t so distracted at the time. 

The lawyer closed his eyes, and took a bite. Surprisingly, it didn’t make him retch. It wasn’t particularly good, but he didn’t mind it. Thirteenth time was a charm.

“Uh, it’s good. Thank you Mr. Kelly.” He continued chewing, and watched Charlie’s eyes light up, as though he had been starved for validation all night.

“Yeah! I knew you’d like it dude! Aw man, that’s great, I’m gonna make you those all the time now. Also call me Charlie, dude, it’s easier.” Charlie was finally sitting back in his seat, still smiling. 

“Oh! Also man, uh, I saw these and got em for you, since I felt bad I can’t pay you in money. Cause ya know, Frank handles the cash cause I’m no good with the numbers so,” Charlie reached into the plastic bag once more and took out a few small pink tulips. The lawyer was pretty sure those were the tulips the building next door had planted but the gesture was, very sweet. 

“Plus Frank thinks Dennis’ idea is dumb.” The lawyer couldn’t seem to figure out why he got so distracted by this man. More sleep, he thought. He needs to get more sleep.

Charlie held out the pink tulips and the lawyer’s hand brushed Charlie's as he took them, avoiding eye contact. The lawyer was not an easily flustered man, but things could change right?

“That’s very… Nice. Mr. Kelly. But you don’t have to do that. If the, jean shorts, make any money, that can be the payment I suppose.”

Charlie was again, up out of his seat, always moving it seemed. He walked around the table and plucked one of the tulips back out from the lawyer’s hand and started to put it in his suit’s jacket pocket. 

“What’re you?! -” The lawyer tried to bat away Charlie’s hands at first, unsure of what he was doing, but Charlie just whooshed his hand away, eyebrows a bit furrowed, concentrating.

“Aw man, this was a great idea - look now your suit looks super good! I mean, it looked good before but now you have some colour,” Charlie sat back, hands gripping the desk behind him, leaning back and almost sitting on the edge.

The lawyer was staring at the tulip that this bar janitor had just put in his jacket pocket, thinking again about how the heck he got into his office.

“So since you have nothing to do today, and neither do I - aw shit, lemme grab the beers,” Charlie grabbed the beers and cracked one open, placing it in front of the lawyer on his desk, oblivious to the loud gasp of the lawyer, rushing to get napkins, as the beer bubbles spilled all over the expensive wood. Charlie opened another one and took a long swig.

He started his sentence over, returning to his spot, this time he hopped on top of the desk, swinging his legs back and forth, “So since you have nothing to do today and neither do I, we should hangout!”

“Please get off of my desk Mr. Kelly.” The lawyer had finished cleaning the beer bubbles, with no intention of drinking, but Charlie plowed right through, ignoring his comment.

“What kinda stuff are you into, besides lawyering's? Umm, do you have a dog? Would you want a dog? Do you work out and stuff - is that why you’re so tall?! Do you still talk to your divorced wife?” Charlie finally stopped to take a breath and another drink of beer. He was eyeing the lawyers beer.

“Mr. Kelly, please can you get off my desk, and take this beer with you as well.” 

“Alright dude, chill. And it’s just Charlie.” He took the beer and relocated his cute butt back into the chair, still close enough that his knees touched the front of the desk.

“So man -” The lawyer decided to just answer his questions, assuming he wouldn’t stop unless he got answers. He sighed.

“I don’t have a dog, and no I don’t want a dog, and I am tall because of my genes. And no, I do not keep in touch with my ex-wife.” 

“Oh okay, I get you.” Charlie thought about if the lawyer wore some jean shorts, maybe he would be shorter, and where Charlie could get some tall jeans - maybe that would impress the lawyer… (He didn’t understand the science of genes and DNA, etc.) 

Charlie finished his beer and started what was supposed to be the lawyers. 

\--

Charlie had rambled on about the Bird Law he knew and then started talking about his ‘tips and tricks’ of cleaning the bar. The lawyer decided to take that time to copy his calendar from his computer onto his desk planner, something he had been meaning to do for a couple weeks now. Charlie finished all the six beers in under twenty minutes. The lawyer was amazed at how such a small man’s body could handle so much abuse of alcohol, constantly.

The lawyer would sometimes look at Charlie, and noticed as he talked or drank, he would look around the office. The lawyer’s focus went in and out but he managed to continue the train of thought that was trying to decide whether Charlie was trying to impress the lawyer, or just had no idea what normal conversations consisted of.

Finally, four o’clock rolled around, and the lawyer decided he would call it a day. He stood up, and watched as Charlie did the same. He had been silent for about an hour and a half, after running out of things to talk about. Although he wouldn’t admit it, it was nice to have the company of another person in the room as the lawyer tackled yet another case.

“Are you going home dude?” Charlie asked.

“Yes. So you can leave my office now Mr. Kelly.” The lawyer gathered his coat and was putting his computer in his bag, as his tulip fell out of his pocket as he was bending down. He subconsciously picked it up and put it back in his pocket as he stood up, half realising what he was doing as Charlie stared at him, looking worried.

“Oh do you not like your flower?” Charlie started fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“Oh, uh, I do. It fell out of my pocket as I was putting my laptop away. I didn’t want debris on my floor.” The lawyer said, rushed. Charlie slowly started to smile. He turned around and headed toward the door, hand on the handle when he turned back and said,

“Thanks lawyer man. Today was cool. See you tomorrow - for the uh shorts!” And then Charlie opened the door and disappeared, still beaming as he left.

As the door closed, the lawyer thought, ‘had Charlie Kelly said he considered them friends?’

\--

Charlie had been coming in day after day for about a week and a half now. Sometimes he brought flowers and sometimes he brought Grilled Lawyers. He usually talked a bit when he first got there, and asked the lawyer a few questions every now and again, but for the rest of the day he would sit quiet and just watch the lawyer. Sometimes he would fall asleep, seeing as he often brought beer with him, and the lawyer responsibly never drank any.

On this particular morning though, Charlie came in almost just as the lawyer had gotten to his office. He was in a bad mood, because one of his cases hadn’t turned out the way he wanted. Part of that meant he had additional stacks of paperwork to fill out. So generally, the day had sucked before it even began. 

As Charlie came in, he had some white daisies in hand. He was smiling, wearing his green army jacket that brought out his piercing green eyes.   
The lawyer sighed, “Mr. Kelly, I really have no time today. Can you please come back tomorrow.” He said it more as an order than as a question.

“Just call me Charlie bro! I’ve told you it’s faster to say,” he was smiling and handed the daisies to the lawyer, who reluctantly took them. He hadn’t seemed to hear the lawyer asking him to leave. 

Before Charlie could sit down, the lawyer this time, raised his voice, “Mr. Kelly. Can you come back tomorrow. I have a ton of work to do and I am not in the mood to answer stupid questions and be bothered by a drunken janitor.”

Charlie looked deflated, as if all the life in him had been knocked out by the lawyer’s harsh insults. He didn’t say anything, he just turned and walked out, looking at the floor the entire time.

The lawyer felt even worse now. This day was going to inch by extra slow and even more painful now. 

\--

For a full three days, the lawyer was on edge. He hadn’t seen any trace of Charlie. On the fourth day, as he was about to leave, he noticed something on his car windshield.

‘Perfect,’ he thought, ‘a parking ticket. Just what he needed to finish off another awful day.’

But as he got closer he realised it was two small dandelions, with a small piece of ripped, folded paper. The lawyer unfolded the paper and found the drawing of a sad face with a tear, and underneath it said what sort of resembled “sorry.”

It was clearly Charlie - what other illiterate did he know? He sighed and picked up the two dandelions and climbed into his car, feeling terrible. He hadn’t meant to take out his frustration on Charlie.

\--

The next five nights, the lawyer receives five different types of flowers on his windshield. 

On the sixth night, his windshield was bare. The lawyer wondered if maybe the flowers had blown off from the wind, but he looked all around his car and around the parking lot and couldn’t find anything. He felt worse and worse each night that passed by. He had… sort of enjoyed Charlie. He was a change in his redundant every day routine. He was sparkly green eyes among papers and papers of legal documents. He was dumb questions distracting from writing statements, and the lawyer hadn’t minded the little breaks it gave him. He felt less stressed, interestingly enough. 

\--

On the seventh night, there were no flowers. There was Charlie himself, completely strung out of his mind, on the pavement, leaning on the driver’s door of the lawyers car. The lawyer thought he was just drunk at first, but after repeating his name three times and lightly shaking his shoulders, he shined his phone light on the freckled passed out face and saw spray paint all over his nose and mouth. 

The lawyer wasn’t exactly sure what to do but his breath had picked up and he was about to lay Charlie on the pavement to perform CPR, when Charlie took a deep breath in and opened his eyes. 

Groggily, he rubbed his eyes, and smiled slowly as he saw who was in front of him.

“Lawyer man… I missed you dude. I missed you - hey, I’m r-really sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you -” 

The lawyer cut him off, “No Charlie I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have taken out my anger on you. I just. A trial of mine didn’t go as I planned and… It doesn’t matter - are you okay?” The lawyer started to freak out again, not quite sure what to do but wanting to help.

Charlie started to tear up and began apologising again and saying how it was his fault and he was an idiot and he was sorry. The lawyer wiped the tears away with his thumb, and leaned in and kissed Charlie. It was slow and soft. Charlie’s lips were chapped and he tasted of old cigarettes and beer. And cheese. 

As the lawyer pulled away, he looked at Charlie, and to his relief Charlie was smiling. Charlie opened his mouth, as if about to say something, blinked a couple of times, and passed out again.

\--

Charlie started yelling as soon as he came to. He was wrapped in a blanket on a strange couch. There was cold coup on the coffee table in front of him, and a tall glass of water.

The lawyer ran into the living room and Charlie stopped yelling, like a little kid being bribed with ice cream right before their eyes.

The lawyer quickly explained how he had found Charlie in that state, so he put him in the car and rushed home as soon as he could since he had no idea where Charlie lived. He had wrapped him in a blanket and made soup and got water for when he woke up, not really sure the protocol for this situation.

Charlie sits staring at the lawyer for a while then asks, “Did you kiss me?” The lawyer wasn’t sure if it was the question or the drugs but Charlie’s face was bright red.

The lawyer paused and then, “Yes.” He didn’t want to lie. Plus, he still felt bad about when he raised his voice at the innocent kid, and wasn’t sure if Charlie remembered his half apology.

Charlie takes a second then gives the lawyer a small smile. He pulls the blanket almost up to his chin.

“Can you lie on the couch with me?”

He is about to get on the couch but then remembers, “Oh! One second!” He goes into the kitchen and comes back with a small paper. He hands it to Charlie and explains what it is.

“This is the trademark for the Jorts.” The lawyer had contacted another lawyer in the same building who was certified to do it and payed him to finish it right then and send it to him immediately, but it was worth it, the lawyer thought.

Charlie looked at him, with his beautiful smile and freckled cheeks, and wild shining green eyes. The lawyer smiled back, and climbed onto the couch as Charlie scootched over and made room. 

They both fell asleep after a few minutes, both smiling. Charlie the small spoon. The lawyer the big spoon, and the Jorts certificate fallen out of Charlie’s hand and onto the floor.


End file.
